~~dark clouds~~

hurm...i woke up this morning...i saw her dressing up...i wondered where she's going...she said nothing...not even a word...maybe she didn't realized that i was already awake...i looked to my side...zati was still sleeping...i closed my eyes...and i can still hear noises...she was preparing herself...picking up a box...i asked her...then she said she's going to her new house to tidy up things...owh...she's moving out...yeah...i knew...she told me before the holidays...but i was still hoping...hoping that she'll change her mind...but this morning...it had changed everything...the moment she walked out of our room there was tears in my eyes...i feel lost...those who are very dear to walked away from me one by one...i feel abondened...why must she moves out??? why must she??? does she hate me??? why had i done wrong??? all this time she was the one i talk to whener i'm happy or sad...what ever happened to me,i'll tell her...she's like a sister to me...she didn't say much when i cried...she didn't say much when i smiled...she didn't say much when i screamed angrily...she is just the way she is...the first day she became my colleague we talked a lot...exchanged details about ourselves...about our interests...we were in the same class at that time...we attended lectures and tutorials together...even my very own boyfriend is close to her...forget bout him...it's bout me...we went through good and bad times together...what touches me the most is that we used to have a very big and serious conflict...only the two of us and a few other people knew bout it...and guess what??? we settled it ourselves...no interference from other parties...from that moment,i realized that no matter what happened, we are still going to be close to each other...we shared more and more things and stuffs...until the very end of last semester...things started to change...the administration asked us to move out and rent our own house...things started to get complicated...then we were allowed to write letters to appeal so that we can stay at the hostel...and now...this thing that made me cry is she's moving out and i'm staying...she is the one who knows my good and my bad...i just can't control my emotion...i felt very close to her...but i never mentioned it to her...and now i'm letting her know if that is the reason why she's moving out...i just need her by my side...and now that she's moving and leaving me i feel all alone...what a pathetic person i am...but i don't care...i just want her to know that no one can ever replace her...and she made me realized bout lots of stuffs...i love her...and i will always will...we seldom talk bou this or maybe never...but i really want her to know that she is very precious in my life...i just never show it...nobody will ever understand what i'm going through right now...but i feel like i'm losing her...losing her to others that had long left me...hmmhh...i'm being emotional...there's only one whole semester left i hope...and i have to be tough this sem...and i'm going to be alone...just me and my cozy room...to 'she'...i hope you'll always remember me...things between us are not going to be the same again i guess...hmmhhh....