Tuesday, June 30, 2009

~~sudden feelings~~

all this while i always think that i'm happy with my life...i feel that everything that happened in my life was just so perfect...it's like too good to be true...but suddenly i had this feeling...a feeling that i don't really know how to describe...these few days i had been surfing the net...and i found most of my friends that i last contact was like years ago...it occurred to me that i am a loser...a big fat LOSER!!!huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu....dowh...tamau dh tulis...benci!!!!jiwa kacau ok...bodoh...gila...bangang...mcm s***...urghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Friday, June 26, 2009

~~nak kawen~~

hehehe...aku cilok benda neh kt dlm fb...syok plak...ahaks...before aku nk jawab,aku nk tag org2 yg berikot:

1) att
2) tina
3) zack
4) ada
5) farah
6) wanie
7) wan z


My Wedding PLan??

1. How old are you?
I'm 19.. :)

2. Are you single?
I'm single but not available

3. At what age do you think you'll get married?
okay2...kalo pk2 mebi 26 kot...amiin...

4. Do you think you'll be marrying the person you are with now?
insyaallah...kalau ada jodoh...amiin....

5. if not, who do you want to marry?
erk...mak ayah tolong pilih la...

6. Who will be your bridesmaid & best man?
err....banyak la....nazreen,att,iqa,zati,farah,wanie,tina,aisyah....kalo bleh satu cohort...bleh???

7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
a mix of all three???

8. Where do you plan to go on honeymoon?
hahahaha...cabo,mexico!!!yeah!!

9. How many guests do you think you'll invite?
depends... :P

10. Will that include your exes?
absolutely!!

11. How many layers of cake do you want?
erm...x pyh la tingkat2....wat pyh ja...

12. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
evening i guess.... :)

13. Name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.
yg neh kena tnya paksu...dia yg jd DJ...

14. Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon,fork and knife?
alah....suka ati la mcm mana pon....freedom...

15. Champagne or red wine?
sirap kot...hihi...

16. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
ala...lepas kawen kena mlwt sedara mara...lepas tue la baru honeymoon...huhu...

17. Money or household items?
erk...both...

18. How many kids would you like to have?
four i guess...pairs...

19. Will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?
record la...sweet kan.... :)

20. Whose wedding plan would you like to know next?
haaaaa....budak2 cohort la...:P

~~dark clouds~~

hurm...i woke up this morning...i saw her dressing up...i wondered where she's going...she said nothing...not even a word...maybe she didn't realized that i was already awake...i looked to my side...zati was still sleeping...i closed my eyes...and i can still hear noises...she was preparing herself...picking up a box...i asked her...then she said she's going to her new house to tidy up things...owh...she's moving out...yeah...i knew...she told me before the holidays...but i was still hoping...hoping that she'll change her mind...but this morning...it had changed everything...the moment she walked out of our room there was tears in my eyes...i feel lost...those who are very dear to walked away from me one by one...i feel abondened...why must she moves out??? why must she??? does she hate me??? why had i done wrong??? all this time she was the one i talk to whener i'm happy or sad...what ever happened to me,i'll tell her...she's like a sister to me...she didn't say much when i cried...she didn't say much when i smiled...she didn't say much when i screamed angrily...she is just the way she is...the first day she became my colleague we talked a lot...exchanged details about ourselves...about our interests...we were in the same class at that time...we attended lectures and tutorials together...even my very own boyfriend is close to her...forget bout him...it's bout me...we went through good and bad times together...what touches me the most is that we used to have a very big and serious conflict...only the two of us and a few other people knew bout it...and guess what??? we settled it ourselves...no interference from other parties...from that moment,i realized that no matter what happened, we are still going to be close to each other...we shared more and more things and stuffs...until the very end of last semester...things started to change...the administration asked us to move out and rent our own house...things started to get complicated...then we were allowed to write letters to appeal so that we can stay at the hostel...and now...this thing that made me cry is she's moving out and i'm staying...she is the one who knows my good and my bad...i just can't control my emotion...i felt very close to her...but i never mentioned it to her...and now i'm letting her know if that is the reason why she's moving out...i just need her by my side...and now that she's moving and leaving me i feel all alone...what a pathetic person i am...but i don't care...i just want her to know that no one can ever replace her...and she made me realized bout lots of stuffs...i love her...and i will always will...we seldom talk bou this or maybe never...but i really want her to know that she is very precious in my life...i just never show it...nobody will ever understand what i'm going through right now...but i feel like i'm losing her...losing her to others that had long left me...hmmhh...i'm being emotional...there's only one whole semester left i hope...and i have to be tough this sem...and i'm going to be alone...just me and my cozy room...to 'she'...i hope you'll always remember me...things between us are not going to be the same again i guess...hmmhhh....

Friday, June 19, 2009

~~gone with the wind??~~



i don't know what is actually happening to me...but lately i've been thinking a lot...why??? because spending like almost 3 weeks at home by my parents' sides,i've been doing observations...observations on people's attitudes...i know i shouldn't be doing this,but i can't help myself...one time when i was doing some shopping with my mom while my sis was at the saloon,we met my aunty with her two daughters...the eldest is 2 years older than me while the youngest is the same age with me...i greeted my aunty since my uncle is very close to my mom...her youngest daughter used to be my friend when i was in smkd...but what took me by surprised was that the two i shall say grown up ladies didn't even smile or look at my mom...if they didn't want to look at me,nevermind and i didn't even give a shit about it...but this is my mom...their very own aunty...an adult whom you can call 'mak'...how rude they are...i was shocked...and i really pitied my aunty...she looked so embarrased with her own daughters...that was one incident...then there was another incident while my parents and i went to a wedding ceremony...my dad ate at the gents' side while my mom and me ate at the ladies' side...since it was already like 3.00p.m something,there were just a few guests left...and none that we knew...while i was eating with my mom,came 2 young ladies...older a bit than me i guess...my mom and i smiled since they sat in front of us...and guess what???they didn't even look at us...oh my god...what happened to the young generation???where do the politenesses and sweetnesses go???are they gone with the wind???to those who read this,what do you think???hmmm...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

~~macam tue pon bleh~~

hah...cuti tggl seminggu ja lg...after dh 2 minggu aku berholiday,baru tercuit hati aku neh...2 mggu holiday...mcm2 aku wat...hahah...holiday ngan kwn2...holiday ngan fam...mcm2 experience la yg ada...plg best experience 1st week hols...aku pnya maid cuti seminggu...hahahaha...apa lg...bermula la duty yg tergendala satu sem...ahaks...duty wajib aku tiap2 kali cuti sem...aku la pulak jadik bibik indon kt umah sendiri...huhuhu...bak kata abg aku "bibik muda dr sp"...bengong...tp x pa...x dpt upah pon x kesah...sbb niat aku ikhlas kt ati nk tlg bonda tercinta...almost 20 years she raised me up x pnah bersungut pon...takkan sekali skala cuti tlg mak pon aku nk merungut kan...lgpon kalo ditakdirkan btol aku dpt g nz,dh x bleh tlg mak lg kan...huhuhu...ok2...tue kesah cuti...malas nk kongsi pnjg2...sbb smua org ada cita msg2 kan...cuti aku x dak apa yg specialnya...standard la kan g jln2...bila lg... :)

now...back to what i wanted to say...dh tggl seminggu baru tercuit ati aku yg satu neh haa...neh smua sbb sepanjang cuti neh aku baca paper...berazam nk jd cikgu yg serba tahu...so aku pon ubah sikap yg tamau amik tau neh kpd nk amik tau...start ngan baca paper...baca kesah2 yg jd kt negara kita yg satu neh plus ngan news yg aku rasa menarik yg jd kt overseas (tolak kisah artis...tue zaman skolah)...then aku terbaca news kematian sorg pelajar malaysia yg menuntut kt mesir...kebetulan plak student tue budak MATRI...skolah agama yg dkt ngan umah aku...and arwah pulak adalah kwn kpd kwn lama aku...and malamnya pulak kwn aku mengesahkan yg tue mmg btol kwn dia...tersirap darah aku...rasa panas muka ngan mata aku...x pasal2 ada air mata dh bertakung kt mata aku...automatik tros arwah sahabat dr aku umur 5 taon muncul kt mata aku...dh almost stengah taon dia pergi...Ya Allah,Ya Rabbi...dlm masa terdekat neh byk berita pasal anak2 muda sebaya aku dh pergi buat selamanya...besar sungguh kuasa Yang Esa...satu petang tue aku ddk temenung kt tepi tingkap dlm bilik aku...x sure apa yg ada dlm kepala otak aku neh...mak aku masuk blk..."adk,dh smayang blom?"..."blom lg mak"..."smayang la dulu...dh pukul 6...x elok lambat2kn smayang...satg mak ngan ayah nk p masjid"...aku hanya mengangguk...then aku bgn msok toilet...masa tgh bersih2kn diri aku teringat ari sabtu baru lepas aku teman mak p nat (pasar)...mak aku ajak beli tdg (mcm tdg sarimah...tp kan ada mcm2 style)...tgh mak aku belek2 tdg,aku bekenan plak kt satu tdg neh...aku neh x pnah pon teringin nk pkai tdg mcm tdg sarimah tue...tp tatau saipa pg tue aku nak sgt beli tdg tue...aku beli kaler itam sma ngan tdg mak aku...cuma pattern ja laen...aku tros amik wuduk...aku usaikan tanggungjawab aku pada Yang Esa...abeh smayang,aku temenung lg kt atas sejadah...tba2 terdetik kt ati aku...aku nk ikut mak ayah p masjid..."mak,adk nk ikut sama la p masjib satg"...mak aku senyum meleret...dh lama sbenaqnya mak aku dok ajak aku p masjid...mak kata org perempuan kdg2 ada mak aku sorg ja...gerun jugak katanya...masa klt dlm masjid, aku rasa laen...ada satu perasaan nk sgt dkt dgnNya...aku rasa aku nk berubah...moga Allah tetapkan iman aku...tetapkan pendirian ku...kwn2 yg knal aku secara rapat akan tahu apa yg aku mau...org laen yg tgk yg x knal aku,mungkin akan mencebik...tp biarlah...hanya aku yg tau apa yg aku nak...byk bnda yg aku nk ubah...tp aku prlu masa...biar aku tetapkan iman aku dulu,baru ku ubah yg laen satu persatu...Ya Allah,Ya Rabbi,kau bantulah hambaMu ini...amiin...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

~~holiday~~

waahhh...it had been a very long time since i last posted my entry...hahaha...i had spent the whole two weeks from three weeks of holiday enjoying my holiday...hahaha...ntah btol ke x ayat aku neh...tgh bersedia nk menghadapi sem baru...hikhik...walaupon last entry aku berbau sedih plus takot...tp smua tue dh lepas...alhamdulillah...aku lepas exam...tp kesian some of my friends yg kecundang...tp x bermakna korg kecundang tros kan???korg smua tough ok...mesti boleh punya...aku sentiasa mendoakan kejayaan kita smua...amiin...tinggal lagi satu sem ja lg wahai tesolian cohort 1...then our dream will come true...insyaallah...haih...ok2...syok plak aku tgk blog aku...dh jmpa balik member2 skolah lama...best2...nanti aku update blog...aku ltk chatbox ehh...aku x abeh study g cmna nk organize blog neh...aku mmh lembab sket kalo bab ict neh...hihihi...ok lahh...got to go...nk msg ngan p0p0... :)

* nanti aku update pasal aktiviti aku cuti neh...even ampa tamau tau,aku ttp nk gtau...ahaks....